Josie Diels

How am I feeling changes all the time but the broad strokes were “text book” nausea and queasiness (non-stop) the first trimester and the most extreme fatigue I have ever experienced.  I think I slept most of November.  Like a sloth.  Like what people say about having Mono.  For someone who isn’t so into napping, it was a shocker.  And did nothing for my chronic list making combined with feeling bad about myself for being lazy.

Then, in December, I got a cold so that was scary. I had heeded doctor advice and gotten the flu shot days before but the cold came anyway.  Bad headcold then cough. It was one that wouldn’t leave and that is precisely when I started turning to the internet in earnest for all sorts of advice, which leads to panic.  Lots of advice. Lots of opinions. Lots of information.  Take this, don’t take that, and so on.  As it turned out, per doctor’s approval, I took Sudafed a few times, and some generic Robitussin for a few days when the cough was just out of control and I worried little bebe would get jostled about.  Still, I tried to keep those med efforts to a minimum nonetheless.  Finally, a trip to LA and Palm Springs in January seemed to get the rest of the funk out and by then I was in the second trimester phase which people say is characterized by more energy–the honeymoon period.  This was true.  I didn’t feel a magnetic pull to the couch.

Now, with 6 weeks to go, I am prone to more napping and sticking to the earlier (like before midnight) bedtimes that have been a new concept for me too.  This is also apparently “text book” for the third trimester.  So is heartburn, which I have often.  And an aversion to many smells, even ones that should be pleasant.  This is evident by the abundance of  hand soap we have accumulated, as nothing I bought appealed to me or, if it did in the store, promptly disgusted me.  But unlike “text book” , I haven’t had many major cravings, though I have been extraordinarily partial to pizza and pasta and noodle soups throughout (which doesn’t help the heartburn but did appeal to the early phase nausea).  I am also happy to report, that I have been sleeping pretty well, thanks in part to Matt’s gifting of a miraculous Snoogle.

The most popular questions I am asked in my current state are:

How are you feeling?

Do you have any cravings?

What are you going to eat after you give birth (since there is a list of foods pregnant women can’t or shouldn’t eat)?

Do you know what you are having?

Do you have a name picked out?

Are you staying in your apartment?

Where are you having the baby?

The answers to these are all posts unto themselves.  So I’ll start with the first today. I feel fine. I feel good physically. For someone with really skewed self image issues about how big / fat I think have been in the past, it is strange to hear so often, “you look small.” That is a first for me. And it also makes me think about my past body image stuff.  Clothes that were more fitted on me that I haven’t been able to wear really did get tight on me at a certain point, but when it became time to put them on hold, I thought about how I often think those clothes are “probably too small” in some way.  But I realized they really weren’t. On a similar note, I seem to have a lot of tops that are working even in my 7th month, which means I wear a lot of loose clothes–partly these are the styles coming out, but I also have to wonder if I opt for these looser garments because I am trying to hide something.

For now, I am limited to 5 outfits but after the arrival of bebe, and I am back to a “normal” size, I want to take this awareness with me and try to have a healthier, more positive, and possibly more realistic attitude about how I walk in this world.

It’s been a while since I posted here.  A bigger picture symptom of feeling not too creative and lacking the creative space, figuratively, and literally. But I find myself with the inspiration–finally!–to at least blog again, despite few songs written and little creative output.  This has happened a few times before but it’s always a little scary to not be able to sit down and write a song.  The problem the past few months is I’ve made little time even to do so.

Back in September, I was asked to move to Aruba for the month of October to help produce an event. At first I wasn’t into going away for a whole month, even to an island as enticing as Aruba seemed. But friends with whom I consulted all responded with a collective, “Why NOT??!!” and I couldn’t think of a reason.  I thought about how, while I’d be working, I’d also be in a new and beautiful setting by myself, and how I could maybe work on lyrics and find new inspiration. And I thought it was just a unique opportunity that doesn’t come along often.  Oh, yes, and money is nice!

As it turned out, my time in Aruba was not creative at all. I worked a lot and came home at night to a setting, attitude, mix of element that just didn’t beckon to my creativity.  I tried a few lyrics here and there but nothing outstanding ensued. Timed halfway between my arrival and my departure, when I thought work wouldn’t be too crazy, Matt came down to visit for a few days.  He was instructed to bring a certain test kit along and when he arrived on the island, I unpacked the boxes and put them on the dresser. I wasn’t ready.  The next day, I mustered up my readiness and did the requisite pee on a stick test.   Because I thought these were wonky (the strips change but change again), we celebrated but I kind of brushed it off too.  I still felt like I needed official proof which would have to wait 2 more weeks until my return to the US, when I could see my real doctor.  I just spent the last 2 weeks there, drinking less than I normally do anyway (I probably had 2 glasses of champagne).  Then came the nausea anyway. And work got busy as the events I was there to produce were coming up.

I came back to the US in time to vote, and went from the voting booth right to the doctor’s office, where it was confirmed.  6 weeks pregnant.

What followed was a whirlwind of emotion amidst trying to find a new doctor (OB) as my doctor informed me she no longer delivered babies.   Finding a new one proved exceptionally challenging…yes, in NYC, it is actually difficult to find a good OB.  They were either booked up or wouldn’t take my insurance.

So my November was a mix of dragging myself to my studio where I slogged through one of the songs I was writing, tried to return to some other recording I had done earlier that year, and napped a lot; feeling queasy; and trying to find a doctor.

What with emotions and hormones, I thought this might be a very creative time.  Alas, it is now the first week of May, six weeks from my due date.

The good news is I’ve been playing the guitalele a lot this past month.  And I really want to talk about all this…stuff. So…more to come sooner than this last stretch in posts.

I’m not the greatest with technology so while I figure things out about creating new links here to my other web worlds, I thought I’d just mention here that my non-music, and somewhat neglected blog can be found here: http://josiediels.com/observedintowords.

I am definitely overdue for a few new “Wiki Looks” posts. This weekend alone I Wikipedia’d: Heathers, Aruba, Youku, Pomeranian, Titanium, Midnight Cowboy, and Body Double.

More links to videos are also forthcoming. Speaking of which, the director for my video, Beauty Inside, recommended I also post on Youku which seems to be the Chinese version of YouTube.  I proceeded to take his advice and blindly navigated a totally Chinese website, hoping I wasn’t agreeing to things that aren’t true and using Google translator for every single character. Just think about every step one has to take to register on a new site!  My ambitions to post more than one video on Saturday waned though my desire to learn the Chinese alphabet was piqued.

I’ve been in a lot of rental cars this summer so I’m catching up on some Top 40.  iPhone cords seem to be totally amiss in every car I’ve had.  Anyway, it’s good to get me all current. One song in particular caught my ears as it has a lyric that I’ve been playing around with for a while now.  I was annoyed to have it used in song but was also curious to hear how it was used.  My lyric is “like a pinball ricochet.” (I’ve not been able to finish this song but it has stayed with me and I know it will come.  Some just happen automatically, some take a while.  This lyric has been with me a while, as some of you know from my Pinball Wizard post from a while back).  Anyway, if you have been in any public space, you will know that the popular song with “ricochet” in it is Titanium.  I have had the song in my head since last week’s jaunt to LA.  Admittedly, I am way late to the game as the song was released last summer but I don’t dissect Top 40 songs unless I’m exposed to them like only a car ride can do.  (Since I live in the city, car rides are relegated to car rentals).

Anyway, it is a good song. Lyrics are  compelling. I had asked my LA host and one of my Very BFs, Gina, who sang it after hearing it for the fourth time in my first day out in LA and she said, “that David Guetta guy.” “Gina, it is a girl singing it,” I retorted.  “I don’t know. He sounds like a girl, I guess,” she said.  I just couldn’t believe he was that girly sounding so I Googled around and found Sia is the vocalist.  The track is titled, “David Guetta, featuring Sia.”  I also learned last summer, there was a leaked Mary J. version flying around.  Mary J!! Cool!

I got so excited so I dug around the You Tube to hear it and researched the whole internet speculations as to why he released the Sia version over the Mary J.  One commenter made the point that Sia’s has more crossover appeal.  I have to say, that is a tough call and as much as I LOVE Mary J., Sia’s version is the better version to me.  More nuance or such.

I thought about that moment of weighing out whether to go with more star power or do what is right for the song.  I like to think that Guetta did the latter.  Either way, not a bad position to be in.  Two great versions, two great vocalists, lots of hit singles, and the first producer to show the public where things are really at these days and take the full credit, when producers have really been running the show.

Smart.

Let’s revisit the debate:

Mary J

Sia